Monday, January 20th 2025
I live in Washington DC. I lived here in 2020 when Trump lost the election and an impromptu celebration popped up on 16th Street in front of the White House – I had to leave early because I was seeing a boring man at that time and he did not want to revel in the pale sunlight of a Biden victory with me. I lived here in 2021 when Jan. 6 happened – I was out of town on break from grad school, enjoying my last few days with family before returning to classes. On November 5th of 2024 I was at a bar in my neighborhood, anxiously crocheting as election results were announced and the city entered a months-long state of mourning. I got someone’s number that night, and forgot to text them.
Today is January 20th, and I was going to go downtown to witness the crowds around the inauguration. People flooded the city from out of town to witness the proceedings, and I’ve been curious about what this group of people are doing while they are here. Alas, our bathroom sink clogged and started leaking through the floor into the kitchen below. A quick plumber call turned into a half-day affair and before I knew it, our 47th President had been inaugurated into office. Are the out-of-towners still there? Do I go to see them, or do I go to the gym?
Life has happened every day since I moved here in 2020. Today is no different. I sometimes marvel at the gap between large historical beats in this city and the syncopated sixteenth notes of my little existence. I know conceptually, in the recesses of my little gray brain folds, that History has always acted in tandem with daily life, yet it still startles me every time the concept reemerges. Both the plumber and Biden are gone; I do not have to be at home anymore, so where do I go next?
Some of us (liberal and privileged) have sat shiva since early November. Today I close my mourning cycle, even if I did not see Trump take office with my own eyes. Today, I can leave the house. We can uncover our mirrors, if we wish, and do something with what we see. I wanted to mark the occasion by bearing witness to the newcomers in the city I adore, but part of me is glad that my plumbing emergency kept me home. My therapist once told me that a big way to combat the feelings of helplessness that can accompany depression is by doing. Doing makes you feel capable: look at you go! You are able to go for a walk and fold laundry despite the weight of a cartoon anvil on your torso. When I translate a legal document for a local migrants’ rights org, I feel less like a sixteenth note and more like an eighth note. The gap between History and the window of WordReference pulled up on my computer shrinks a bit. When I stay home to take care of my sink instead of surrendering to the esoteric concept of new neighbors, I feel more grounded. Some stuff matters more in the immediate term. There must be time for larger picture activities, but the smaller picture things must take precedence.
My presence downtown, gawking at the abandoned possessions outside the Capitol One Arena, would likely only bear significance to me. Staying at home means that I impact the lives of my roommates, landlord, and plumber. I want to watch the funeral procession of the entering Trump administration, but I do not believe that me watching the event deserves sacrificing a bathroom and kitchen.
I can do more. There may not be enough sunlight left to go see the MAGA fans downtown after I go to the gym – do I forgo the gym? Am I actually helping anyone by going downtown? Does this count as surrendering my comforts for the sake of my beliefs? I’m extremely glad that neither Martin Luther King Jr. nor John Brown is around to witness the inanity of these thoughts put to digital paper.
I’ve lived through various types of civil unrest – there is something about the American variety that feels toothless. I have no bite: I’ve seen people block highways with burning trucks and tires to protest corruption. I’ve seen civilian blockades designed to keep state forces from entering specific territories. I’ve seen the entrance to a US embassy set on fire. Former Presidents are in foreign jails, and yet my gym dilemma stands. I think about Taiwan, I think about Chile, I think about Nicaragua. These places and these people give me hope when it feels as though marching is our only option.
I do not know what to do right now, other than to translate documents and pass cash to those who need it. I will let you know when I find something else.
